On Love & Malice


By Edwin Innes Shoaf

Dear I, A person does not have to live in this manner.  It is your choice whether to have faith, to love or to do any number of things.  You don’t have to become involved with those that you love.  You can sit back and ignore life.  In your cave you will never see what’s going on, but you’ll be happy.  You never see the world, or even know that something might be wrong.   You can keep saying that you care about those around you, but in reality those words are just more shadows to add to your collection.  You will never feel any real pain. Yet some of us choose to live differently.  We cannot sit idly back and ignore what’s going on.  We have made the choice once and for all to move forward and become involved.  We have accepted our faith, our love and even our hate.  It hurts badly and yet…yet we cannot see any other way to live.  The thought of remaining at peace and comfort with that cave makes no sense to us anymore.  We shall live our lives in this manner of choosing until there is only one thing left to do.  Eventually, whether by choice of self-sacrifice or natural causes, we must die.  Perhaps then is when we hope to see clearly?  We will die pounding at the walls of nature.  We will die protecting those we love.  We will die like dogs if that is what must happen. I must say though, even though all these thoughts of self-sacrifice, not one of them is suicidal in nature.  I do not wish to die, but instead I would live forever if given the chance.  That’s what all this really is.  What better way to protect those you care about than becoming a god?  That is what we’re truly striving for.  That is why we choose to live this life in this manner.  Yet we that we can never achieve this goal; there is nothing in the realm of personal experience that indicates that we could ever become a god.  In dying well we choose to live properly.  If you have lived well dying shouldn’t be a problem.  Neither should dying be an end.  Don’t die to end something, die to begin it.  When we see the world end we shall smile.  Not because we revel in destruction-no, it’s because we will know finally that something has been begun and that it is also…very…clear. I’m sorry. Love, Your Wicked Self
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